WINSTON-SALEM, NC – After two months of long winded meetings, the UNCSA Board of Education approved the decision to turn UNCSA into a middle school.
“We want one thing to be clear,” said Middle School Principal John Mauceri, “We’re not opening our doors to middle school aged students, we’re merely adjusting our curriculum to match that of a middle school’s.” He then added, “It’s still a conservatory.”
The curriculum change will diminish the creative restraints which the state holds over the North Carolina University system. “Before the switch, we weren’t able to teach the classes we feel are quintessential to developing artists.” Among those classes were pre-algebra, Spanish 1a, intro to chemistry and social studies.
All of the changes made to the school are expected to drastically change the day-to-day lives of the students, aside from the Dining Hall hours which will remain the same, though there have been rumors that renovation will be undertaken to add more cubby space.
In an effort to promote a healthy environment, the middle school will be enacting a positive-attitude reward system called “Pickle Points.” The way the system works is well-behaved students are rewarded Pickle Points which they can then exchange for healthy fruit chews.
Additionally, Beaux Arts is now an annual sock-hop (a dance during which everybody wears socks, but no shoes). Student Government chairman Michael Carney says, “It’s pretty much ice skating without blades on your feet.”
“Be sure to stop by the pencil sale for our trip to LA.” added one 4th-year film student.
Dr. Robert Frisco, a Social Science professor at Cornell University, caught wind of this movement and delivered an email which reads, “Sounds like a great idea.” With this picture attached: